I have F'ed up so Royally

Well, the guy I had been seeing wasn't really using me but he hasn't been clear of his intentions. Last night we had a falling out that I hope that we can recover from but am highly doubting it.

I pried perhaps a little too much to see how he saw me, and so we started to fight over something so stupid as the disparity of how we feel about each other. He seemed to feel hurt when I said that I started off wanting to be his girlfriend but now see that our lives prohibit it as there is no overlap, and that I am just glad to be his friend. He started getting angry, calling me needy, when all I wanted to know was where he thought we were; I was happy to step back and give him room just so that we could be on equal footing--I value his friendship so much that I'm willing to set aside how I feel (I'm practically in love with him) just so he doesn't feel like I'm needy.

For a little bit of context, a couple of day after we had sex I asked if I was just a bench warmer (he heard "b!tch girl" but he got the drift) and said no and that there was something special about me. Here is his text that I could say might have led me:

"Cause right now I don't think of you as just someone to f**k but I'm unsure What to think. I'm leaning towards something more because I do care for you but I'd like to make sure so I'm going to take my time if that's Ok. I'm just letting things play out and seeing What happens. So far it's turning out pretty good ^^ I'm alright if you want to keep f**king and I'm Ok if you don't. I def want to date and get to know you more."

It had only been a couple of days since he sent that text, and now he says I'm dead to him. How can wanting to know how they feel piss someone off so much? I feel like I deeply hurt him by not trusting in him (after we had sex he played a song where a lyric was "trust in me like I trust in you") and by saying that I as ok with just being friends sent him over the edge.

I'm afraid he won't speak to me ever again because we had fun making the shift go by by conversing, but I did send him one last text saying that I was deeply sorry for hurting him.
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Just before posting, he texted his apology for the sharpness of his tongue and that he missed being friends with me.

Even though I no longer feel like such a piece of sh*t I still feel like I have cocked things up so horribly that had I been just a little more patient something could have developed.  He did say that he had had a row with the boss and that his father had a stroke, but what happened to I made him the happiest he's been in a while?  What happened to him playfully kicking my foot?  What happened to him craving me?  What happened to him suggesting we go on a road trip together?  What happened to him wanting to take me to a buffet? I guess the answer to that is, "I did."

Seems like pretty bush league stuff to me.

"I'm enthusiastic but not sure, you're very special, we should totally do (whatever) sometime, oops now I'm angry for no reasonable reason and you're clingy" is all pretty common ground level bullshittery.

Rise above.

Madelchai wrote:

Seems like pretty bush league stuff to me.

"I'm enthusiastic but not sure, you're very special, we should totally do (whatever) sometime, oops now I'm angry for no reasonable reason and you're clingy" is all pretty common ground level bullshittery.

Rise above.

Yeah, I need to call, "Next!"  Nobody is worth this bullsh*t.

I really want to set up some kind of dating profile as a result of all this, but I know it's just going on the rebound to get over him.

Goddammit this guy is really starting to be not worth my time. He wants me to treat him like a friend, and when I do, he says I'm being awkward; I'm physically and emotionally distant to all of my friends. I told him that he was confusing me, but because I wasn't willing to get into another row with him, I just said it wasn't worth it when he asked why; that's when he went silent (this is all by text, by-the-way). Even after I clarified that I meant it was the bullsh*t and not him that I said wasn't worth it, he is still silent. I know there are any number of reasons why he stopped responding, but I can't help but feel like perhaps he does feel something for me but is totally afraid that I will hurt him like others have to him. Unless he gets his sh*t together real soon, I'm moving on with my life.

I think I figured out why I'm not ready to completely give up on him; he is a purple squirrel. He is intelligent but is also has blue collar skills. Maybe I'm just making up excuses.

Bullshittery really isn't worth the hassle.

Madelchai wrote:

Bullshittery really isn't worth the hassle.

I'm really wanting to move on, but I need some kind of definitive answer from him.  He, in a round about way, said he didn't want to be with me and just wants to be friends--fine--but when I treat him like a friend and brush off any comments from other coworkers about us being an item he gets pissy and goes silent.  

I don't know if he went silent after I asked if he still had one of my selfies so I could use it on my dating profile (I didn't specify that it was a dating site and said that it was no big deal if he deleted them because I had deleted his) and he still had a picture of me or when the supervisor called me "Mary (his last name)".  It's obvious he isn't remotely man enough to even be my friend, but I'm still going to have to confront him at work* (because he has ghosted me and won't even respond to a friend "Hey, how you doing" text [and then he has the f**king gall to say we don't talk anymore]) so I can finally move on and respond to the line of potential suitors.  I've cried too many goddamn tears wondering if he just used me as a jizz rag or if he is too damn afraid that I'll use him like his exs.



ETA: *Nope, can't do that just yet because he just told me that his grandfather is dieing. This, on top of his father having a stroke, is the absolute worst time to confront someone.

sounds like high school sh*t, you should just tell him to work his sh*t out, figure out what he wants and to get back to you when he knows what it is he wants because you don't need or want games and drama. Then leave it there and don't try hangin' with him or calling/texting or whatever, just tons of space until he comes to you and says whatever. It sounds like either he's just stringing you along, or he cant work his sh*t out and doesn't know what he wants, you don't need any part of either of those.

Right now, I'm just his friend, but I unintentionally made a break through as to where his mind is that left me in tears (but not in despair or confusion). I promised him that all he said will remain confidential but it answered a sh*t ton of questions for me, which lets me finally breath freely.

Welp, I'm still hopelessly in love with this guy. I think what I'll just have to do is tell him directly how I feel, and then have him tell me that he is not remotely interested; that is probably my only hope for actually moving on. I know it is going to hurt him and make him mad at me, but it has been killing me trying to bottle it up inside not knowing if there is any real interest.

I know this is pure and utter amateur bush league bullsh*t that I should just brush off and move on, but I can't seem to let go. I've cried more over wanting to be with this guy than when I did when I got fired, and I poured my f**king heart and soul into that job. I want to move on but I feel so hung up partly because it does feel like some deity has struck me with an arrow.

I did speak to him about how I felt and how it was killing me--it was driving me to suicide (albeit I left that part out)--but I spoke about him in the third person ala, "There is this guy that I have really strong feelings for..." I'm pretty sure that I have killed off whatever slim chance I had, but I'm not going to miss anything because he was already starting the "fading out" process. I just couldn't keep up the charade of being a platonic friend in a vain hope of him coming around because it was destroying me on the inside. Whether or not he finally tells me that he was ever interested, I feel like the tether has been broken, and I can fly and breath again.

I'd thought I would just give an update. I am still in love with him, but since he has revealed to me what is going on in his head I feel like I can stand back and hold on; let's just day that he has been severely burned by his exs. I think that he initially felt something for me, but once my insecurities bubbled up he felt all those burns from his past well back up. I don't know if he still feels something for me, but I do know that he is sexually attracted to me.

A tiny update: I am now dead to him...again. This time, I'm going to just let him go because he hasn't accepted any of my attempts to help him. He has been so toxic to me and I truly wish I never met him; I hate that it has ended this way but it is done and no more tears are shed.

For the best.