Do you ever pretend that life isn't happening?

First of all I want to say HOW MUCH I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL!! I have been busy in college and pretty much forgot about the internet except for Facebook for... a while. You guys were always close like family and dear to my heart. You all were the first group of people I found on the internet!  I have been looking for sound advice from people I can trust lately and to kind of vent.

I feel like I have let the last three years of my life completely pass me by and it is really unsettling...it began in fall 2010, when I started having some anxiety issues, so I did poorly in school that semester. I was pretty sure I didn't want to stay in the major I was in, and I even had a smart boyfriend at the time who encouraged me to change my major to English like I had wanted to. I wish I had. But I was very stubborn and right as life was about to get really exciting and give me opportunities beyond what I could have asked for, I sabotaged everything in one fell swoop, and made some decisions that really hurt me in the long run. I knew they were bad but I pretended like they weren't happening basically. It cycled and now I've been spouted into oblivion for a long time, going the wrong direction and mostly just missing out on life from worrying too much.

I'm back to working on my French degree and looking to go to grad school, and I have goals and stuff now, and I know to challenge myself, so I'm doing ok now, but I am still freaking out about the consequences of my actions.

Maybe you guys can help change my perspective? Do you guys have any similar experiences?

Yep, all the time.

I'm not necessarily in the same boat as you but I do find myself failing to live up to certain standards, both my own and the school's, so I get easily depressed about it. The main difference is that I'm not pretending that I'm not doing so well but that I have accepted that I am just simply lazy; I can't really pretend when I know what the real problem is: me. You may be just going through one of those maturation points in adulthood.

Just don't start taking drugs. Your problems won't go away, you'll still have all the same problems as before you took them, except now you can't go up the stairs because they're made of fish.

Welcome to life. I f**ked up again today with mine. I just have to keep my head down and carry on and hope that it will all get a little better next school year.

Just try to get something to work for and never lose sight of it.

Oh yes I am definitely focusing harder on goals this time! That was a huge detriment to me in the past, as I was basically giving up right before the action started. I get really obsessive about details but I know I've just gotta let them go and life will certainly bring good fortune if I work as hard as I did in high school.

Thanks guys :)Your support makes me feel good

Been there, done that, brought home the Tee shirt.

You're 22, you have plenty of time to fix stuff, maybe not everything but some stuff. Unless its still something fresh I wouldn't sit around and worry/wait on the consequences that might not happen or even the ones that have happened unless it's something that will throw you off your path in such a way you couldn't get back on, in that case I'd make it one of the things on that "to fix" list and get working on it.

Other than that all I can say is kind of the same as nsane, welcome to life except instead of keeping your head down I'd say keep it up. If you put your head down its easier to lose sight of your goals and end up just following the motions and really at the end of the day all it comes down to is if you would you rather reach the end saying "I did it my way" or "I followed the pack".

 

Yeah! Keeping my head up

I know all about seeing a possible bright future, and then taking steps to ruin it; we are an animal that fears change, even when you could make something bleak and hard better, we humans get so used to a type of lifestyle or situation, that we have fears of making it different. But if you know what you want, and take the steps to commit to it, then no one should be able to stand in your way...even yourself.

By the by, you're young, some of these big life changes should be taken a bit later in life when you can weigh the experiences you've had against them, instead of just confronting one relatively unknown life-changing event after another with nothing but your gumption (yeah your gumption).

Welcome back, and if that's the new hair.... nice.

Thanks, Spooky! It's actually a wig XD

I guess I'm mostly scared and convinced that it's too late to do what I want to do or be who I want to be...but I guess that's just another way I'm telling myself "I can't." At least that's what I tell myself to feel better. It's the hardest thing to fight through. I used to be so good at fighting off that negative inner voice and moving on to making things better but it's louder than ever now so I fear that might be because it's true.

All I want for now is to be comfortable again and to be able to trust myself and not be like stuck in this terrifying mindset I've trapped myself in, where nothing is possible and everything is a step in the wrong direction